EnviroSpin Watch

It's enough to make you see RED.....

"Bush causing global warming on Mars," says FofM

By Our Mars Correspondent, Alien Green at The Daily Universe

AN ALARMING new report warns that the Red Planet, Mars, is melting because of global warming ('Mars emerging from Ice Age, data suggest', Space.com, December 8).

Environmentalists say this is because of the Space SUVs that we are currently blasting into space, like Beagle 2, which is doggedly due to land on Mars on Christmas Day, 2003 ('Beagle glides solo towards Mars', BBC News Online, December 19). Will there be room between the rocks?

Ms. Solar Flare of the NGO, Friends of Mars (FofMars), is especially worried by the pyrotechnic device which was fired to release a loaded spring that pushed Beagle 2 away from the mother spacecraft. "We shouldn't be sending things into space like this. What would Darwin have said? They are heating the ice and causing it to melt. Just look at the black bits. This could create water asteroids that will drip down to Earth and flood us all, especially in the developing world. The old Martian canals are just not big enough to absorb the flow."

Julian Scope of MarsWatch agrees, but says it's all Mr. Bush's fault: "Bush has forced Europe to compete in space by his red-rag attitudes. It's just another example of red-neck American greed and capitalism ruining the universe."

Dr. Dan Dare of SUVs for Space, however, disagrees: "Nah! This is great. Boy's own stuff. I do hope we get them there Martians - it 'ould be great to race 'em round the Isidis Planitia - kinda Crater Wars. And no worries - we'll all have heat-resistant shields and are cushioned by airbags."

But Ms Flare remains deeply worried: "Just think, 'Mars Express' will have to fire rockets to blast itself into orbit around the planet. That could be disastrous. The solder of the universal plumbing system could be affected."

Unfortunately, Space SUVs were exempted from the Kyoto Protocol on climate change, as, indeed, was Mars. "It's enough to make you see RED," said Mr. Tommy Teacher, MP for Old Moores Almanac. "We're all doomed, including ET!"

Your The Daily Universe People's Poll: "Is Alien Bush causing global meltdown on Mysterious Mars?"

"Yes - I say Greedy Bush is!": text - RedPlanet@you're sure right;
"No.": text - RedPlanet@you're sure wrong.

Copyright: © The Daily Universe 2003 - "No worrisome meteor left unturned!" Lots of advertising space available, including premium black holes.

"Go, Go, Go, Beagle 2!" It's exciting. Philip in Festive Mood.