EnviroSpin Watch

UK Weather Forecast for the Week Beginning the 26th July.....

Severe Weather Warning: a deep depression will move quickly over BBC Television Centre in London, leading to dramatic weather on BBC News Programmes from Wednesday through to Friday. Particularly at risk from Hurricane 'Hype' will be BBC News 24, BBC World Television, and the BBC 1 Breakfast Show. Also expect doom-laden cumulonimbus clouds at lunchtimes, leading to fearful flooding down many BBC channels. There could also be King-sized outbreaks of thunder and lightning, not to mention a rising tide of calamitous comment, especially around Meacheringham.

The week will start fitfully, with scattered storms and a cold wind blowing in from Tory Central Office and Kent, flattening wind turbines from Romney Marsh to Ross. Outbursts of hot air will then coalesce to produce a dynamic cyclonic gloom, which will occlude all other responses. Temperatures are expected to rise in studios throughout the UK.

Our cool summer should, hopefully, begin to re-assert itself, along with calmer conditions, by next Monday, but watch out for the odd flurries of snow and a final clap of thunder over broadcasting house up until Sunday evening.

The week should also witness the migration to the UK of the now nearly extinct stormbird (Carbonicus dioxidus var. aypeeseesee), which is noted for its repeated shrill cry of: "Kyyyyotooo! Kyyyyotooo!" The UK is one of the last refugia for this doomed bird of ill omen, which may have just become extinct on the Russian steppes.

Luckily, the human impact will be limited to a few remaining journalists, some of whom will sadly drown themselves in the deluge, while everybody else, including most politicians, will have wisely gone abroad for sun, sand, and Cliff Richard's songs.

You have been warned - stay at home and watch TV at your peril!

End of Severe Weather Warming.

Philip, doing his best to escape the TV tornado. Have you noticed, the more 'global warming' is going down the tubes (joke!), the greater the hype. They are getting desperate. Sugar-Coated Frosted Hail for breakfast, then?