EnviroSpin Watch

All those everGREEN Christmas pantomimes.....

Here are your top ten Christmas eco-pantos, as reported by Peter Green and James Vital (Geddit!!!!) in the daily Gloomiad (particularly noted, of course, for all its Grimm fairy tales):

'Jack's GM beans could cause giant problem'

'Tree preservation orders slapped on forest around Sleeping Beauty's Castle: prince says he can't hack it'

'Snow White to sue Seven Dwarfs Mining Company Inc. over emissions: worried about melting make-up'

'Little Red Riding Hood to re-introduce wolves despite worried grandmothers'

'Cinderella says: "Have a ball in hemp, and use only organic pumpkins"'

'Aladdin says: "We must re-cycle more lamps before the genie gets out of the bottle"'

'Dick Whittington insists on walking to London: "We must all support the mayor over congestion charging"'

'Mr. Wolf gives a puff for bale insulation: "The last straw in ecohousing"'

'The Hansel and Gretel Report on obesity in children: "Toffee tiles must be replaced by high-fibre blocks"'

'Peter Pan insists Wendy House has planning permission, but admits they might not yet be off the hook - "The clock is ticking"'

plus, additionally:

'"Apples poisoned by wicked pesticides," warns Miss S White (aged 18) in latest Witch Report'

'Mother Goose sets gold standard for organic eggs'

'"Who has been melting our ice?" ask the Three Polar Bears'

'Tried the Goldilock's Diet yet? Three pounds of oats, three pints of milk, three lumps of ice, and a lie down, thrice per day. "Ooh! How can you bear it?"'

'"Constructs of beauty are quite beastly," claim Ugly Sisters'

And, as ever with the Groaniad: "It's behind you!" [Asteroid, GM crop, 'global warming', etc.]

"Oh no it isn't!"

"Oh yes it is!"

Who cares!

Philip, mulling wine all round. Christmas crackers? Pull the other one.