EnviroSpin Watch

University Common Room Claptrap No. 1: 'The Sustainability Committee Rep'.....

Scene: The Common Room, around 11.00 am, at Savonarola de Monbiot University, Frisby-on-Trent:

Dr. Jolyon Petrus [JP], Professor of Oenological Anthropology, encounters his former PhD student, Dr. Pandora Pamina-Postlethwaite (PP)...

JP: "Pandora, how nice to see you? How's that old postdoc going? Like a coffee, by the way?"

PP: "No thanks, Jolyon - the Common Room Committee still hasn't got round to fair trade yet, I fear. But do feel free to have one yourself. And, yes, great thanks. I'm off on Thursday to Papua New Guinea to do some more research."

JP: "Really? I thought you had just been made postdoc rep on the new Sustainability Sub-Committee, or whatever they call it? Should you be flying out there? Not a good example to us unreconstructed oldies, surely?"

PP: "Oh! I'm not doing this lightly, Jolyon. We have a very large form that you have to fill in to ensure that your research trip is really, really worthwhile. I'm going to link with a lost tribe of headhunters to assess their possible contribution to future holistic medicine, and so the Committee felt that this was vital in a dangerous, globalising world order."

JP (brow furrowed): "Sounds fair enough. Hm! Has anybody been turned down yet, by the way?"

PP: "Well, no... but it has made people think about their global emissions and all that."

JP: "I only ask because I suppose I'll have to do one when I go off to Tuscany again - got some great work underway on the ontology of Chianti."

PP: "I'm afraid so, Jolyon. Still it shouldn't be a problem for you."

JP: "When are you back from New Guinea, then?"

PP: "In two months time - boringly, I have a seminar to give in November, and a couple of MA classes."

JP: "Well! You must come round and have dinner with Justine and me when you get back. Tell us all the gory head-hunting details."

PP: "That would be lovely, Jolyon - but I have first to go to that big Conference in California. I'm presenting a poster on 'The genus Usnea in post-partum magic: a critical assessment of Bumcleister's Theory of Medical Holism.' Are you going?"

JP: "No. It's a drag, but I've got to fly out to my sister's wedding in Australia. Got a remarkably cheap flight, by the way."

PP: "Oh! How splendid! I hope it goes well. Help! Is that the time? Sorry, Jolyon, must dash. We have a special meeting of the Sustainability Comittee at 11.30 on the new car park. We want to get people to share on a daily basis coming in from Cambridge and Oxford, and its going to be really difficult for me doing only one day a week here, and at very odd hours. Hope to see you and Justine soon. Ciao for now..."

Philip, and believe you me this is hardly a parody at all. There is more environmental twaddle spun in a University common room than wickets from Warnie himself! A very strong coffee!