EnviroSpin Watch

The 10 final proofs of 'global warming'.....

You should believe in 'global warming' when.....

(1) apocalyptic academics stop flying round the world to conferences and for their extended summer holidays - er, sorry - 'field research';

(2) The Guardian and The Independent stop advertising cheap flights and holidays;

(3) the Cameroonian middle classes give up their holiday villas in Provence, Tuscany, the Caribbean, etc.;

(4) the BBC stops flying hundreds of duplicate reporters and staff round the world for each separate programme and channel;

(5) the European Parliament stops 'toing-and-froing' between two parliament buildings of equal glassiness, and the French drop agricultural subsidies;

(6) Greece, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, et al.; Japan; Canada; and all the rest come anywhere near to meeting their Kyoto targets;

(7) Canadians turn off the lights and switch off the heating/air conditioning when not in a room, China gives up coal, and everybody agrees to cut the 'wine miles' to zero;

(8) politicians stop canvassing by helicopter, plane, and battle bus, and Al Gore finds it "inconvenient" to travel about lecturing on 'global warming';

(9) Prince Charles travels about in a G-WIZ with just one member of staff - and squeezes his own toothpaste. Also, John 'Two-Jags' Prescott can fit into a G-WIZ;

(10) the glitterati, the popocracy, the metro elite, and all the politicians really do believe that it all applies just as much to them as to the world's bedint.

There you have it: 'global warming' doesn't exist. QED.

Philip, "Well, that's settled that, then!" "Patio heaters and plonk all round, chaps!"