EnviroSpin Watch

Tony Blair to hound 'global warming'.....

Here is an important Report from:

The Barking Sunday Posthorn (Sunday, 12 September)

By Ben 'Pinkie' Hunt-Wallah

The British Prime Minister, Mr. Tony Blair, is set to make an important speech next week declaring that he will use The Parliament Act to ban hunting with hounds, a major cause of 'global warming'.

Apparently, Mr. Blair has taken advice from senior scientists who say that there is incontrovertible evidence that hounds in pursuit of foxes breathe out more carbon dioxide than the whole of Islington on heat. This is known as the 'Pants Factor' (P_f), and hunderpogenic carbon dioxide rises markedly above Open Hound Shows (not to mention the crap factor of methane). Moreover, rotting foxes, when not eaten alive, are also a source of slow-release carbon dioxide, a vulpian emission of gases equivalent to volcanic eruptions, a point well-noted by Pliny the Elder in 79 AD.

Moreover, the Beagle satellite has recorded a 37 ppm increase in carbon dioxide on the Duke of Beaufort Scale. "Winds and hurricanes are bound to increase," declared Farty Fothergill breathlessly on the front page of The Times (Saturday, September 11).

"We must not allow anything to 'stott' us from our mission. I will hound global warming wherever it occurs," grimaced a foxy Mr. Blair (Cherie approves). "Of course, I have to keep the Labour pack together. Really they're a lot of bitches, especially during yearly Hunt Gatherings. The URG (Union of Rabbit Grazers) is always creating a scrape. Mind you, just see me and Cherie doing the Posthorn Gallop at the ball. And, let's face it, John Prescott always wins the best Basset Hound."

"I'm also worried about dogs urinating on my lovely wind turbines; this may cause them to rust and fall down when the wind blows."

"You should also note that foxes have bushy tails, and I do like to kerry favour with these."

Lady Bonka Fitztightly, MFH was scathing in her riposte: "Hounds are the oxygen of the countryside and that Mr. Blair is just a bounder. I prefer mounting my horse any day. Say 'neigh' to 'global warming'"

Mr. B. Chancellor Rabbit and Mr. Milburn Chicken hinted that they would get it in the neck if they objected and were chased to earth. Privately, however, Mr. Brown Rabbit thinks the earthing market is 'cooling' - "Prices are down 8% at Warren Street."

Lord Hunt said, "We Tories don't know which way to turn! I think Mr. Howard has been at the ozone and might go nuclear!"

The Sun has reported that Mr. Blair is to establish a new quango called the Solar Panel. This will be chaired by New Labour Baroness, Beamy Brightday, well-known for her annual rendition of 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam'. The Panel will reflect a wide range of viewpoints.

[Filed: Saturday 11 September.]

Philip, I'm back! Apologies for absence. La comedie humaine in Britain grows more eccentric by the day. It's clearly 'The Blair What Next' project.